my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
