Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
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would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
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and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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