its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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