He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
