My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
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Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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