I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
