it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
