I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
