He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
