Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
