Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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