this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
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