I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
