my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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