SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
