i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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