I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
