Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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