I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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