I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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