we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
