u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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