so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
