I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
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