We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Success! We fucked roommates!
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
