hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
