We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
