someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
