the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
