Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
