You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
