whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Randomize
