you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
i've created a new STD.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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