Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Randomize
