Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
why didn't you poke me back
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
