an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
