i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
