We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
