Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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