I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
