I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
