the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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