hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
