and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
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