hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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