y did u give ur computer a hand job?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
