your parents love me but you hate me
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Randomize
