So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
