highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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