i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
