Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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