My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
