glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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