remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
