I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
