we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
