there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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