Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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