So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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