put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
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I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
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I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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