I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
