I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
