Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
