While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Randomize
