I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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