i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
