I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Dignity is for republicans.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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