i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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